Another Loss

So…my mother passed away a few days ago. I haven’t been able to post on my social media yet; maybe later. My siblings and mom’s grandkids take care of posting more than enough! Everyone deals with grief differently… 

Grief is a necessary time period. The five stages of grief model, known as the Kübler-Ross model, depict a series of five emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. (And then, the Seven Stages of Grief expanded on the five.) Critics consider this theory outdated and not applicable to every differing culture. Studies show a lack of evidence for a set model, as grief is experienced in so many different ways and not in any certain order.

Right now, if this theory is reality, I think I’m in the anger stage. I just want to smack people! They can really say and do some of the stupidest things! I don’t, though. I know their hearts, and they mean well, most of them anyway. Some don’t. And I can ignore them. I know I’ve made some pretty ignorant statements in the past. I found it best just to say “sorry for your loss” and leave it at that. In the beginning, that’s all anyone wanted to hear, anyway. We don’t want it fixed, we don’t want your stories, and we don’t even want hope and joy yet. We just need a smile, a nod, and maybe ice cream! After the chaos of the extra visitors and funeral services, a program such as GriefShare is a great next step. We can’t let ourselves isolate except to recharge. People need people.

But… maybe tomorrow…

Her passing was not unexpected, but we still grieve. When a parent or child dies, no matter the condition of the relationship, we still grieve. She had a long, hard road. Parkinson’s is one evil that is difficult to understand. So I don’t even ask the “why?” question. She lost her dignity, as so many elderly people do these days. Social media doesn’t help either. 

My mother was very proper, as was her mother. She was far from vain and quite the character, even donning clown suits to entertain children! Though she grew up poor, my grandma would never let anyone know of their status. They were the last generation that wore dresses with slips and pantyhose to church! She would roll over in her grave if she knew I never ironed! And yet, since Christmas, I’ve seen a few posts out there of pictures depicting her frail and demented state that belong in their personal memory book, not on FakeBook or Instagram! I can’t wait until I’m up in heaven standing next to mom with popcorn in hand to watch the fireworks when the “bad picture posters” climb those golden stairs to find mom knocking them back down for allowing hundreds of people to have their last memories of her shown in a demented state! Yes, to us, she was always beautiful, but would you want your last images on social media to be of you in a demented state? I thought not. It’s the hardest thing to watch your mom, who taught you to walk with dignity, lose all her dignity, and then have so-called “loved” ones spread her undignified pictures, especially under the guise of “just asking for prayer!” (Eyeball roll!) I may be a “Boomer,” but I know how FakeBook works! It boils down to being a BragBook! You brag about yourself, your spouse, your kids, and your pets, then you check to see how many reactions you get, as if the number of reactions determines your worth and value as a human being, especially if it means diminishing another! Social media are a false reality. You’ll never get the full picture—just snippets of what people want you to see. Unfortunately, people will judge and make assumptions about the whole person based on partial information from a self-serving post.

So… isn’t this post bragging as well?? Yes, of course it is! Hopefully though, it’ll be a more realistic “mom” bragging without the undignified pictures… But I digress.

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