Throw Away the Elderly

We had lunch with a bunch of family members of the next generation up a few days ago. They are a hoot! A couple of them are widowed and somehow the conversation came around to their lives as “single” people. I found myself amused at their outlook and wondering how our society got here. I was caught between cracking up laughing and fearfully crying!

Loneliness is, in my opinion, the number one killer among the elderly. Actually, no matter what the age, when we lose hope, we lose the will to live. Did you know that some of the largest age groups on dating sites are of the elderly? Like my uncle said, he doesn’t want to get married; he just wants someone to go to dinner or to an event once in a while. We all need companionship. God created us for His companionship, so, of course, we need each other! Though it’s a blessing to be healthy enough to live on our own, people were not created to be loners!

I caught myself thinking about the days gone by. The cultures that seemed to thrive were based on moral principles. The basis of their theology was to love and care for others the same way they wanted to be loved; otherwise known as the Golden Rule. What is our future? I could list a thousand different ways society (people groups) has handled their elderly. Not many cultures throughout the centuries have been very compassionate. The elderly have, for the most part, been thrown aside the minute they cease to produce. The sad thing is, we have differing opinions about what constitutes production. Do we cast them aside when they are unable to work for that paycheck? Do we cast them aside when they are unable to drive themselves to the store? At what point do we consider them useless? At what point do you want others to consider you useless?

When it comes to the elderly (our parents and grandparents), our whole mindset has changed over the last century, especially in regards to women. In times past, families lived close by and often in the same house. Today, the average American family will move at least once every 2-3 years, most often living a few states away. In times past, women who were above childbearing years (60ish), very rarely remarried. She found fulfillment and usefulness in helping to bring up the next generation, usually living with an older child and very rarely alone. Widowers usually remarried (men just cannot seem to do their own laundry!) or one of the children lived with him, not he with them, being more independent but rarely living alone! 

The downfall of independence is isolation and loneliness. Women now take pride in relying only on themselves. A widow today would not dream of living with any of her children! Not only would that be an imposition on their families, but she would not be able to do what she wants when she wants! Our society has been convinced that a woman’s only fulfillment comes from being independent. Widowers would rather remarry, or at least date, to maintain the position of a provider, than to allow his children to rise above and provide for him. Men cling to the position of the Patriarch that leads, not one that is led. I don’t blame them. People don’t get along in today’s world. Younger generations take offense to every little thing and older generations are full of pride. So we stay divided and isolated, not realizing the following generations are the individuals who will pay the price.

Without the elderly, we lose our history.

Without our history, we lose our purpose for today.

Without purpose, we lose hope.

Without hope, we lose our future…

That’s my grandma! A widow who lived on her own 15 years until her death, going on 90 years young! But oh…the experiences we lost out on…

“Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. . . . In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious ‘nearness by resemblance’ to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, seeing him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest.” —C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Comfort & Healing Journal

Do you or someone you know need a little encouragement today? Are you or someone you know, experiencing the pain of loss? The holiday season can be very tough for those of us who are grieving. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or the loss of a marriage, we all grieve. Journaling through that process helps us to grow and not get stuck. Here is my latest endeavor with Thinking Tree Publishing Company. This journal helps give encouragement from others in the same situation, and helps point to the hope God gives.

Don’t give up on hope. Don’t give up on life. You are loved!

Click here: Creative Journal & Coloring Book for Comfort & Healing

Here is an excerpt:

A Letter From Nora :

When Sarah asked if I would put this book together, I thought to myself, “Sure! This one will be a piece of cake!” And then life hit…and death hit…

About three quarters of the way into this project, a close family friend committed suicide. Her death was a shock to most people because of the way she lived her life. She lived as a committed Christian, always the first to help others, and at almost 70 years of age she was a devoted grandmother. And yet, she suffered from devastating depression most of her life.

Consequently, we are all left with nothing but the “why” questions. Some things in life are unexplainable. Why would an innocent baby die? Why would I lose that perfect job? Why would my husband decide he didn’t want to be married anymore? Why did my dad leave? Why did my adult child reject me? Why would a natural disaster wipe out a lifetime of memories? Why didn’t I notice my friend was suffering before committing suicide? And the resounding question of all time: Why do bad things happen to good people?

Book written by my good friend, Mark Tabb

And…we grieve.

I have all the head knowledge, but still, I grieve. I know all the pat answers, but still, I grieve. Grief is messy. Each of us grieves differently, for we are all unique. Some people cry outwardly, others internalize. Some will hide from life, while some will busy themselves with every activity available. Experts say we experience at least two of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. In my own grief, I simply could not pick up this book on grief. Every time I wrote a sentence, the words sounded dry. I shut down my social media. I wouldn’t talk about it. I wouldn’t cry. I felt paralyzed. I just needed time. I needed time to process our loss. God allows us that time to grieve. He allowed the Israelites to grieve for 30 days after Moses died. Then he instructed Joshua to tell them to pull up their boot straps and move on into the Promise Land. God allowed Job to ask all the “why” questions when he endured suffering upon suffering, and did not count it against him.

In my processing, I remembered that as long as we live in an imperfect world, with imperfect people, bad things will happen to both the good and bad. But…good things will also happen to both the good and bad. In those times, both good and bad, I remembered that God is always good. It’s ok to be mad at God, as our children are mad at us when things don’t go their way. His grace allows us to grieve. I don’t believe God causes the bad things to happen in life, it’s simply the consequences of life in an imperfect world. Though we may never understand why /he allows bad things to happen, He always works everything out for our good. (See Romans 8:28) Though we may feel all alone in our grief, we have a creator who understands our pain and loss more than anyone.

Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He will calm His child in the middle of the storm.

When did I start functioning again? When I got out of bed in the morning. When I put one foot in front of the other. When I took a walk with my camera, forcing myself to see God’s beauty through a different lens. When I smiled at the check-out lady because she was stressed and watched her smile back. When I took dinner to a friend who was suffering their own loss.

I was able to begin functioning again when I found that in life’s changes, I still have purpose. We are needed. We all have value and worth. We are loved by the One who created us.

In His Love,
Nora

A Grief Observed By: CS Lewis 

.

Example of Journal Pages

** If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you read with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; the above excerpt from Comfort & Healing in Times of Loss can be found on Amazon here: Journal for Comfort & Healing: also, my Proverbs Devotional & Doodles Journal can be found on Amazon here: Proverbs Devotional & Doodles.

.